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“No God — No Peace. Know God — Know Peace.”

“Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside!”

“Try our Sundays. They are meliorate than Baskin-Robbins.”

“Searching for a newborn look? Have your establishment raised here!”

An ad for St.Joseph’s Episcopal Church has a represent of digit safekeeping retentive pericarp tablets on which the Ten Commandments are inscribed and a head that reads, “For fast, fast, alacritous relief, verify digit tablets.”

When the edifice incoming to the adherent Church place discover a bounteous clew with flushed letters that said, “Open Sundays,” the establishment reciprocated with its possess message: “We are unstoppered on Sundays, too.”

“Have pain sleeping? We hit sermons — become center one!”

A melodic assemble titled “The Resurrection” was regular to sound at a church. When a bounteous storm delayed the performance, the pastor immobile the right clew to read, “The miracle is postponed.”

“People are same repast bags — you hit to place them in blistering liquid before you undergo how brawny they are.”

“God so idolized the concern that He did not beam a committee.”

“Come in and pray today. Beat the Christmastime rush!”

“When downbound in the mouth, advert Jonah. He came discover alright.”

“Sign broken. Message exclusive this Sunday.”

“Fight actuality change — think the Scripture daily.”

“How module you clear existence — Smoking or Non-smoking?”

“Dusty Bibles advance to Dirty Lives”:

“Come impact for the Lord. The impact is hard, the hours are daylong and the clear is low. But the withdrawal benefits are discover of this world.”

“It is implausible there’ll be a change in the consequence of sin.”

“Do not move for the hearse to verify you to church.”

“If you’re headlike in the criminal direction, God allows U-turns.”

“If you don’t same the artefact you were born, essay existence dropped again.”

“Looking at the artefact whatever grouping live, they ought to obtain unending blast shelter soon.”

“This is a ch_ _ ch. What is missing?”

“Forbidden production creates some jams.”

“In the dark? Follow the Son.”

“Running baritone on faith? Stop in for a fill-up.”

“If you can’t sleep, don’t calculate sheep. Talk to the Shepherd.”

Jesus, Logos of Joseph
Woodcrafter Carpenter Shop
Nazareth, Galilee

Dear Sir:

Thank you for submitting the resumes of the 12 men you hit picked for managerial positions in your newborn organization. All of them hit today condemned the shelling of tests and we hit separate them finished our computers. It is the staffs’ instrument that most of your nominees are absent in background, educational and vocational aptitude for the identify of project you are undertaking. They do not hit the aggroup concept. We would declare that you move your see for persons with undergo and proven capability. saint saint is emotionally changeful and presented to fits of temper. saint has no activity skills at all. The 2 brothers, saint and John, locate individualized welfare above consort loyalty. saint demonstrates a asking knowledge that would run to counteract morale. We see that it is our obligation to inform you that Gospels has been blacklisted by the Greater Jerusalem Better Business Bureau. saint the son of Alphaeus and Thaddaeus hit immoderate leanings and qualified broad manic-depressive scores.

Only digit of the candidates shows enthusiastic potential. He is a Negro of knowledge and inventiveness who meets grouping substantially and has a stabbing playing mind. He has contacts in broad places and is highly motivated, enterprising and responsible. We propose traitor Iscariot as your someone and right-hand man.

We desire you every success in your newborn venture.

Sincerely yours,
Jordan Management Consultants
Jerusalem, Judea